Last month, I fired myself after determining that I had made limited progress towards any of my goals. After sharing the post online, an internet friend of mine commented that I may actually be doing more than I’m giving myself credit for, and tried to un-fire me.
My friend is not wrong, but he’s not entirely right either. He’s right about the fact that, in my blog post, I didn’t give myself much credit for the things that I did accomplish. But what he likely doesn’t know is that the amount of credit I give myself in a blog post is often different than the amount of credit I give myself in real life. I’m harsher in writing than I am in reality. It’s easier to write in black and white than it is to write in shades of grey.
When looking back on any given month, the progress I have made towards my goals, towards my ‘dream life’, is never as great as I would ideally like. But that’s okay. The reality is, if I did spend an entire month going full steam ahead in every area, I would probably hate my life. I’d be exhausted, grumpy, and unhappy.
‘Hustle culture’ is all the rage these days, but I’m not built to be a hustler. I need downtime in order to make it through the week. Being ‘on’ all the time, to me, is extremely draining. Which means a life in which I am constantly moving on to the next task on my list, the next project, the next goal, isn’t really the life I want.
But on the flip side, I do have things, outside-of-work things, that I want to do and accomplish. As much as I don’t want my entire life to be driven by hustle, I also don’t want it to be spent mindlessly scrolling through Twitter or watching episode after episode of Grey’s Anatomy for the third time.
I want to be able to find the balance- a balance that makes me feel productive, makes me feel happy, but also still allows me to have downtime to rest and relax. I genuinely enjoy writing, running, and volunteer work, but it’s always so easy to just say “I’ll do it tomorrow”, and then to repeat that line over and over again until I get to the end of the year and realize that I never did it, never did any of the things I was hoping to do over the course of the year. That’s the situation I want to avoid. That’s why I create goals, and why I write these posts on a monthly basis. I want to ensure that I’m catching myself when I’m playing the “I’ll do it tomorrow” game, and I want to make sure the things that I want to do, the things that are important to me, but not urgent, are not forgotten and cast aside.
Most months, if not all months, I make small progress in some areas, and no progress in others. And while I may be hard on myself in the blog posts, in reality, I’m simply using writing as an opportunity to remind myself of what I want, and as an opportunity to realign my life. I choose to write in the black and the white, because I believe that complacency lies in the grey
So here’s to another kick in the pants, and another chance at realignment.