April: Me vs. The Want-to-Be

April was an extremely unproductive month, in which I did basically nothing to make progress towards any of my goals. Upon reflecting on this, I’ve started wondering- why is it so hard to be the me that I want to be? I want to be a runner, and actually crave running instead of forcing myself to do it. I want to be an early riser- those rare days where I do wake up early are magical. I want to be a photographer, and capture memories on… whatever they’re captured on these days. I want to be so many things, but day after day, those things don’t seem to become any more a part of who I am than they were the day before. Sometimes I think it’s weird that you have to work so hard just to be the person you want to be.

Back to my unproductive month. I’m actually not sure April happened. Last time I checked, it was March, and now I’m writing May next to “date.” Weird how fast time spent doing nothing can pass, eh?

Checking In

  • Besides my “March” post, I haven’t posted anything on this blog. I’ve had two articles posted for the Student Leader Collective, both within the last week. I’ve started writing five or six different things, but haven’t been able to force myself to sit down and finish. I have been continuing to journal regularly, which makes me happy, happy, happy. (0)
  • Exercise? What’s that? I seriously don’t know what happened here, but I do know that no exercise was happening. Soccer season is right around the corner, so that should be fun… (-1)
  • I finally handed over all my O-Week files, tidbits of information and advice. Dalhousie’s Orientation is no longer any of my responsibilities. Orientation at Saint Mary’s, however, may be a different question. Not even 24 hours after I had met with Danny (the DSU’s VPSL), I was invited to be on Saint Mary’s’ Orientation Committee. And by invited, I mean told- not that I’m complaining. (+1)
  • I can’t think of a single thing I’ve accomplished on the learning front either. I’ve gone on a fiction reading binge, to the detriment of this goal. (-1)
  • I still haven’t had any volunteering luck, but I did get to go see the film 65 Red Roses a few week ago. It’s about a 23-year-old with CF going through a lung transplant. Working with Shinerama has given me a strong connection to anything related to cystic fibrosis, so I was glad the film was finally be screened in Halifax. (0)
  • Exciting thing! My cousin came to visit over the Easter weekend from Florida, and brought his 6-year-old daughter (who is also my cousin, obviously) with him. I’m pretty sure I have the most adorable cousin in the world. So my Easter weekend was full of family reunions, turkey, colouring, the Discovery Centre, and “will you play with me?” (++1)
Elise, the most adorable cousin in the world. Near the end of our Discovery Centre trip, she asked me when we were going to do science. Adorable.

Featured image by Erik Witsoe on Unsplash

Nicole Crozier

2 thoughts on “April: Me vs. The Want-to-Be

  1. Darling love this reflection. Just a thought: reading fiction is just as noble as non fiction. It teaches you to roam your own mind and Break out of reality which can lead to real life solutions. I think reading is an escape so if you feel like fiction, do it. 🙂

  2. I’m not going to argue with you! I think I spent the month of April reading at the expense of everything else though, which is a slight problem. Books are too addicting!

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